Redskins vs. Packers Game Predictions from My 5 Personalities
“Fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again.” - George W. Bush
I hate it when Captain Prozac wins a game. Not only did he predict a loss last week, but now he has to rub everyone’s nose in it. The rest of my personalities have absorbed the blitzkrieg that was the first half of last week’s game, and gained solace in the 2nd half comeback. Now somewhat recovered, all of my personalities are prepared to weigh in with their predictions for Week 2 against the Packers.
Captain Optimist: Redskins win 34-31
If you’re going to play in Lambeau Field, it might as well be in September. Shannahan will preach that this is a “statement” game. If you want to go to the Super Bowl, you will have to beat teams like Green Bay. The Redskins endured Chip Kelly’s high-octane, “Spread Eagle” offense, and it’s now time to face a more traditional NFL offense. Robert Griffin has taken his hits and has shaken off huge chunks of rust. He will settle into a groove early and turn in a workmanlike performance. Alfred Morris, devastated from last week’s miscues, will lower the boom and grind out a 100 yard performance, paired with a strong change-of-pace performance by Helu. Haslett will dial up the pressure on Rodgers and the secondary will turn in a better performance against a more predictable adversary.
Captain Realist: Green Bay wins 37-31
Redskins will turn in an improved performance, but it won’t be enough to win. Green Bay played toe-to-toe against the 49ers in a losing effort. They are playing at home, they’re angry, and there’s a reason why Aaron Rodgers is an elite quarterback. Eddie Lacy, Jermichael Finley, Jordy Nelson and Randall Cobb will methodically move the chains. Griffin will still be shaking off some rust, but his mechanics will improve. Morris, Helu, Garcon, Hank and Moss will perform well, and the Skins will expose a draft steal in Jordan Reed. Defense will get better pressure against Green Bay’s offensive line. Brandon Jenkins, who only played one snap against the Eagles, gets into the game and registers 2 sacks on Rodgers - raising questions why he wasn’t played more against Philly. Skins will show that they can match up to the Packers, but it won’t be enough in week 2.
Captain Vegas : Green Bay wins 28-24
Captain Vegas, in his true non-emotional style, only cares about the betting line. In his mind it is the most predictable way to determine the outcome of a game. Packers are favored by 7.5 points with a 49.5 over/under. Captain Vegas has the Skins covering the spread with 52 points being scored.
Captain Prozac: Green Bay wins 38-20
Playoffs? PLAYOFFS??? You’ve got be kidding me. This is a 7-9 team if we’re lucky. This team is going nowhere. Last season was a fluke - a mirage. Griffin may have heart and passion, but he can’t outrun anyone, and nobody is afraid of him anymore. Our receivers are pedestrian. The offensive line is a sieve. The defensive line can’t pressure anyone, and our secondary is in shambles. We have a punter who can’t boom anything, a nonexistent return game, and a kicker who hasn’t made anything yet. Back to 20 more years of mediocrity. This sucks. If you think the Redskins have a chance of making the playoffs, please help yourself to some of my Prozac(R). You’re delusional.
Captain Morgan: Redskins win 31-30
Captain Morgan ignores the stats and focuses on intangibles and his gut feelings about the upcoming game. Sure he’s a homer, but he doesn’t care. The Redskins will win this game, and it’s all about the character and the chemistry of the team. Forget the stats, forget the opponent. Griffin will still be a little rusty, but will wake up after taking a big hit from Matthews. Aldrick Robinson, Jordan Reed, Morris and Helu will figure prominently. Aaron Rodgers will get pressured, and will make some uncharacteristic mistakes, resulting in turnovers. Captain Morgan is planning a major party for the game, and will be glued to this white-knuckled victory while munching on brats and a nice assortment of cheeses.
After reviewing input from my 5 personalities, I am going to go with Captain Vegas this week.
Green Bay wins 28-24
Season Record with my 5 Personalities:
Captain Optimist: 0-1
Captain Realist: 0-1
Captain Vegas: 0-1
Captain Prozac: 1-0 (still gloating)
Captain Morgan: 0-1