IowaSkinsFan
08-20-2003, 08:47 AM
POSITION:Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work
in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess
excellent communication and organizational skills and be
willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and
weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight
travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on
rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away
cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least
temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite
tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of
a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three
seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard
are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face
stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair,
mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen
phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of
multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and
organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental
outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an
embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product
safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery
operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be
prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for
years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating
your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a
continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the
assumption that college will help them become financially
independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left..
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you
actually enjoy it and this wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition
reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are
offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for
personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work
in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess
excellent communication and organizational skills and be
willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and
weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight
travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on
rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away
cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least
temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite
tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of
a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three
seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard
are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face
stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair,
mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen
phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of
multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and
organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental
outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an
embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product
safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery
operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be
prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for
years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating
your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a
continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the
assumption that college will help them become financially
independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left..
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you
actually enjoy it and this wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition
reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are
offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for
personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.