dook newspaper slams head rat k.....

CarMike · #1 02-07-2005, 01:01 PM

Quote:

The Duke-UNC Men’s basketball game only two days away, and TOMMY SEABASS could not be more excited. He and the other members of Tent 40 have had about all the low temperatures, tent checks and malt liquor they can handle. Now, they anxiously await Coach K’s annual speech to the Cameron Crazies.

Having attended several of Coach K’s speeches during his time at Duke, TOMMY SEABASS knows that he must bring his “A” Game when the question-and-answer session comes around. Students should avoid critical questions at all costs, for Coach K can be quite sensitive.

Three years ago, at an “Ask Coach K” event at the Marketplace, a student had the gall to ask what the team was doing to work on breaking the full-court press. An irate Coach K responded with a 10-minute, exceedingly graphic filibuster involving several of the student’s close relatives in addition to disparaging remarks about Dean Smith.

Besides, such criticism is ineffective on Coach K, as he deflects any personal or professional challenges by pointing out that he: 1) wins championships and 2) gives money to charity. TOMMY SEABASS desperately wants to avoid any awkward exchanges with the famed motivator and best-selling author, and so he has spent a great deal of time drafting a list of acceptable questions. Here are those that DID NOT make the cut. (Just to be clear, TOMMY SEABASS strongly urges everyone to avoid these questions and others like them):

Read more here!